Congressman Morgan “Woodbooger” Griffith Vows to Get to the Bottom of January 6 — Because the Rioters Nearly Found the Epstein Files

Congressman Morgan “Woodbooger” Griffith Vows to Get to the Bottom of January 6 — Because the Rioters Nearly Found the Epstein Files

Washington, D.C. — Congressman Morgan Griffith of Salem, better known back home as “Woodbooger,” has been appointed to the brand-new, third, absolutely-necessary-but-definitely-not-political House Select Committee on the January 6th Insurrection.

While previous committees wasted time on such trivial matters as who incited the mob, who planned the attack, and whether democracy itself nearly fell, Woodbooger says this one will finally focus on the real danger: the rioters came dangerously close to stumbling across the Epstein Files.

“If those hooligans had gotten their hands on the Epstein Files,” Griffith said, “the American public might have discovered things that could’ve forced me to return all the campaign money the Epstein Billionaire Boys have so generously written me over the years. We can’t let that happen. Not now, not ever.”