🐝 Mountain Bee Exclusive:Joe Isuzu Crashes Wise County School Board Meeting, Says Debt and Radiation Are ‘Good for Kids and Growth’

WISE, VA — In another bold marketing move, the Wise County Board of Supervisors sent its new public relations consultant, 1980s car salesman Joe Isuzu, to a recent Wise County School Board meeting to promote the upcoming referendum creating a government-owned Wise County Electric Authority.

Joe arrived late, still wearing a “Vote YES for the Power of Debt!” button and carrying a box of vintage Isuzu brochures.

“Good evening, educators!” Joe announced, grinning like a man who’s never read a budget. “I’m Joe Isuzu, here on behalf of the Wise County Board of Supervisors — and I’m here to ask for your help selling this electric dream to the people!”

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Joe began by suggesting the school system’s teachers could do their part in “educating the next generation of voters.”

“I need all your accounting, economics, and finance teachers to start teaching that out-of-control debt is actually a good thing,” Joe declared. “Debt means growth — somewhere. It proves you’re building something, even if you can’t remember what it was.”

Several board members shifted in their seats. One whispered, “We still haven’t made the first principal payment on the school construction loans from 2014.”

Joe smiled wider. “Exactly! Ten years and not a dime of principal — now that’s leadership! That’s how you prove to the voters that Wise County can handle bigger government — we just refinance our way to success!”

He then scribbled a note on his presentation pad:
New School Motto: ‘In Debt We Trust.’

Joe turned toward the science department representatives in the room.

“Now let’s talk about the future of power — the Wise County Electric Authority’s plan for small modular nuclear reactors,” he said, beaming. “I need all your biology, chemistry, and science teachers to start teaching that a little radiation is actually good for people. Builds character!”

He laughed and slapped the podium. “Who ever heard of a first-generation experimental model having any problems? I’ve sold thousands of first-generation cars, and not a single one ever had a defect!”

From the back of the room, someone coughed, “Wasn’t that the year Isuzu went bankrupt?”

Joe pretended not to hear. “Besides,” he continued, “the kids are gonna love it. A little radiation in their bath water makes it glow in the dark! They’ll have a blast — literally!”

Joe suggested the schools could do their part by “cutting costs” and “thinking big.”

“Why stop at education?” he said. “Let’s make the schools part of the grid! Install a mini-reactor in every science lab. Call it Hands-On Learning.”

When asked if he was serious, Joe pointed to the School Board Chair and said, “You folks trusted the Board of Supervisors with hundreds of millions in construction loans they haven’t paid down. What’s a little uranium between friends?”

Joe unveiled his proposed new classes for the upcoming school year:

As the meeting adjourned, the School Board thanked Joe for “his enthusiasm” and asked if he could refrain from using the word “radiation” during Career Day.

Before leaving, Joe turned to the crowd and delivered one last grin for the cameras.

Then he winked and whispered to a reporter, “And if it did… we’ll just refinance it.”