🐝 Mountain Bee Exclusive: Wise County Supervisors Announce New Plan to Power the Future — With YouTube and Wishful Thinking
By: The Mountain Bee Investigative Staff
WISE, VA — In a bold move no one saw coming (and few asked for), the Wise County Board of Supervisors has decided to create a government-run Electric Authority, proving once again that nothing says “economic development” like politicians who think “kilowatt” is a horse race in Kentucky.
Come November, voters will be asked whether Wise County should start its own electric utility. County officials promise it won’t raise taxes, won’t increase rates, and won’t cost citizens a dime — which, in Wise County terms, usually means somebody’s about to take out another loan.
⚡ The Big Idea
According to County Administrator Mike Hatfield, the authority would help attract big industries that need lots of electricity, like data centers. “It’s preemptive,” he said, the same word used when someone buys a parachute after jumping.
Sources close to the project tell The Mountain Bee the idea came after the Board spent a year “researching” energy policy, mostly by watching a YouTube video titled “How to Start Your Own Utility Company Without Knowing Anything About Power.”
When asked if any Board member had experience running a power grid, one official proudly replied, “My nephew once fixed a breaker in his camper.”
🏛️ The Wise County Résumé
Before handing the keys to an electrical authority, it’s worth remembering the county’s business track record:
Hundreds of millions of dollars in debt, thanks to a decade of refinancing school construction loans like a teenager rolling over a payday advance.
The Wise Inn, a multimillion-dollar “economic engine” that loses more money each month than a coal miner’s 401(k) in 2008.
Empty industrial and technology parks, complete with “Available” signs that have faded like campaign promises.
Plenty of empty Main Street buildings, monuments to the kind of “economic development” that ends with ribbon cuttings and “For Lease” banners.
A landfill that’s managed to stay full of both garbage and optimism.
“If we can run a dump and spend tax dollars like nobody’s business,” one Supervisor said confidently, “surely we can run an Electric Authority.”
💡 The Power Pitch
Officials promise the Electric Authority will have “no impact on residential customers.” They say the big users like data centers will pay their own way. That’s the same logic used by every government project since Babylon: someone else will pick up the tab.
When asked where the county would find the power, Hatfield said the authority might help industries “build their own plants.” Translation: We’ll help rich companies make electricity while the citizens of Wise County keep their lights on with hope and duct tape.
🧠 Local Experts Weigh In
One lifelong resident summed it up best: “We’ve got leaders who can’t balance a budget, can’t run an inn profitably, and think YouTube is a business plan — but sure, let’s allow them to borrow more money to start a ‘Government Run’ Electric Utility, that sounds really profitable???.”
A retired teacher added, “This county’s so far in debt, the electric bill’s the least of our worries.”
Meanwhile, the Board insists everything’s fine. They say the referendum just gives them permission to create the authority, not an actual plan. In other words, they’re asking for the keys before learning how to drive.
🪙 The Final Spark
Hatfield described the authority as “important for future economic development.” He might be right — if by “economic development” he means creating a new department to hold meetings about meetings. Maybe the county can hire more people and buy more vehicles for them to drive around in?
As one Supervisor told reporters off the record, “We’re not raising taxes. We’re just investing in the future — like when we invested in the Inn, and the Inn invested in losing money.”
🐝 The Buzz
At press time, Wise County officials were reportedly watching another YouTube video titled “How to Explain to Voters Where the Money Went.”
Residents are encouraged to bring flashlights to the next Board meeting, in case the lights go out during the PowerPoint presentation — or the next loan payment.
Because if there’s one thing Wise County knows how to generate, it isn’t electricity.
It’s debt.