Tax Credits for Private Schools, Up Next is Tax Credits for Country Club Memberships
By the Mountain Bee Satire
Folks across Southwest Virginia were still trying to understand the new tax credit for private school donations (In the Big Beautiful Bill) when the Woodbooger himself, Congressman Morgan Griffith, apparently decided we just are not thinking big enough.
Why stop at private schools, he reportedly mused, when there are country clubs out there struggling to keep the lights on in the pro shop?
The new private school tax credit already lets well-heeled donors knock a nice chunk off their federal tax bill for helping fund private tuition. Supporters call it “school choice.” Critics call it “another way to send public money somewhere your kid has to pass a gate to enter.” Depends on which side of the picket fence you are standing on.
But here in the mountains, we have learned that once a tax break gets rolling, it tends to grow legs.
According to sources who may or may not have been standing near the shrimp platter at a recent fundraiser, Congressman Griffith is said to be exploring what aides are calling “Lifestyle Freedom Credits.” Early drafts reportedly include tax deductions for country club memberships, golf cart upgrades, and possibly monogrammed bathrobes, because freedom is not free but it might be tax-advantaged.
“Rich Americans deserve choices,” he said, adjusting a blazer that has never once seen a hayfield. “Some choose public schools. Some choose private academies. Some choose a club sandwich served by a man named Preston. The government should not judge.”
Public school teachers, meanwhile, are still holding bake sales to fund school trips.
Education advocates have pointed out that public schools take every kid who walks through the door. Private schools can be pickier. Country clubs, even more so. There is not a lottery system for tee times, unless you count knowing a guy.
All this talk about subsidizing private tuition lands a little different in places like Buchanan County, where schools are closing, buildings sit empty, and families are watching their local education system shrink year by year. While rural counties scrape together money to keep buses running over mountain roads, Washington is debating ways to make sure somebody’s golf membership feels appreciated at tax time.
One retired principal put it this way. “If we start giving tax credits for golf memberships before we can keep a neighborhood school open, I hope those kids at least get a discount at the driving range.”
Backers of the tax credit say it helps families (certain families that is). Detractors say most of the benefit flows uphill faster than a four-wheel drive Range Rover to the ski lodge. Either way, the Mountain Bee can confirm one thing. No one in our hollers has ever asked for federal assistance covering their country club dues, mostly because the closest thing we have to a country club is the picnic shelter at the park, and you still have to bring your own mayonnaise.
Still, do not give Congress any ideas.
Because if this keeps up, next year’s tax forms may come with a section labeled “Recreation and Leisure Patriotism,” and somewhere a lobbyist is already drafting a deduction for heated swimming pool decks in the name of economic development.
Until then, the rest of us will be over here supporting our local public schools the old-fashioned way. With fundraisers, volunteer hours, and hoping the basketball team makes a deep run so the lights stay on a little longer.
And if Congressman Morgan Griffith really wants to help rural America, we have a bold proposal of our own.
Tax credits for working people to buy school clothes and supplies.
Now that would be revolutionary.