👣 #WheresWoodBoogerGriffith 👣
The Mountain Bee — News So Exaggerated It Feels Honest
* Top 10 Excuses from Congressman “WoodBooger” Griffith
(For Why Your Bills Are High… and Nothing Seems to Change)
Folks in Southwest Virginia don’t ask for much.
Just affordable gas.
Reasonable power bills.
Groceries that don’t feel like a luxury item.
Instead, we get explanations.
A whole lot of explanations.
So after listening real close…to speeches, interviews, and what folks are muttering at the gas pump…the Mountain Bee has put together the official list.
🔟 “It’s all inherited. Not my fault, it’s those pesky do-gooder Democrats doin’s.”
Been in office since 2011…
still unpacking the same excuse.
9️⃣ “Congress is doing more than you think.”
Must be happening somewhere we can’t see.
Right next to the last WoodBooger sighting.
8️⃣ “We focus on quality, not quantity.”
You may not be getting help…
but what you’re not getting is top shelf.
7️⃣ “We passed the Big Beautiful Bill.”
We (the voters) got our healthcare cut…
…and his Billionaire campaign donors made off like bandits.
Meanwhile, your ugly electric bill just showed up again.
6️⃣ “Energy dominance is coming.”
Any day now.
Right after your next fill-up drains the checking account.
5️⃣ “Tariff taxes are ‘actually’ good for your health.”
Can’t afford groceries?
Congratulations…you’re on the ‘WoodBooger’ involuntary diet plan.
Lose a few pounds, feel better, and hey…
you might not even need that healthcare I cut.
4️⃣ “High electric bills are ‘actually’ good for the environment.”
Nothing says conservation like choosing between ac/heat, filling up the car and groceries.
Saving the planet… one unpaid bill at a time.
3️⃣ “We hear you.”
They hear you at the gas pump.
They hear you at the checkout line.
They just ain’t said much back.
2️⃣ “We destroyed it 100%. Iranian nuclear facilities have been wiped off the planet.”
And if needed… we’ll destroy it 100% again.
Because apparently, 100% ain’t what it used to be.
And we’ll just keep this endless war rolling right along…
keep “destroying” it over and over…
until those Billionaire campaign donors get
the oil company profits they deserve.
Meanwhile, folks back home are wondering
how many times you can destroy something completely…
…before you admit it never WAS a thing. Remember WMDs???
🥇 1️⃣ “By not traveling the district, I’m saving gas.”
No town halls.
No visits.
No constituent service.
Just one Congressman doing his part to lower your gas prices…
by not using any.
👣 Final Thought from the Holler
Out here, folks don’t need a Top 10 list to know something ain’t right.
They see it every time they:
Fill up the truck
Open an electric bill
Try to buy groceries
And they’re starting to ask a simple question:
If all these “benefits” are so good for us…
why does it feel like we’re the only ones paying for them?
👣 If you spot the Ol’ WoodBooger out actually helping lower costs…
📸 Snap a picture.
🏆 You might just win the contest.
(Still slightly harder than finding the real Bigfoot.)