Woodbooger Explains Government Shutdown: Logic Is Hard, Donors Are Easy

The Mountain Bee — News So Exaggerated It Feels Honest

The Mountain Bee
October 01, 2025

Woodbooger Explains Government Shutdown: Logic Is Hard, Donors Are Easy

By: The Mountain Bee Editorial Board, News So Exaggerated It Feels Honest

Rep. Morgan “Woodbooger” Griffith stepped in front of the cameras this week to offer his deep thoughts on the looming government shutdown. Spoiler alert: they made about as much sense as a cow on roller skates.

“It’s totally illogical,” Woodbooger huffed. “Democrats want permanent programs that help regular people, they want to throw in the kitchen sink, they want to shut down the government. It’s illogical for America, it’s illogical for Democrats, it’s just illogical.”

That’s right. The man who has voted multiple times to shut down the government now wants you to know that shutting down the government is illogical.

Of course, what Woodbooger left out is that he’s fine with shutting down programs that help working families. Food stamps? Illogical. Healthcare? Illogical. Affordable energy? Don’t even bring it up. But tax breaks for his billionaire donors? Perfectly logical.

In fact, his whole shutdown philosophy seems to boil down to this:

If it helps regular people, it’s “illogical.”
If it helps billionaires, it’s “the right way.”
If it keeps checks flowing into his campaign coffers, it’s “common sense.”

So while teachers, veterans, and working families worry about the cost of living, Woodbooger is worried about missed fundraisers.

“It makes no sense,” Griffith repeated. And for once, we agree. His logic makes no sense at all — unless you happen to be a billionaire.

Woodbooger Explains Government Shutdown: Logic Is Hard, Donors Are Easy

Woodbooger Explains Government Shutdown: Logic Is Hard, Donors Are Easy

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